i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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