Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
