She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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