I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
