i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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