you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
