____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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