Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
