U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
