How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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