My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
