Your face is a jimmy john
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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