i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
