this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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