There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
