Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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