It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
