this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
