Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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