Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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