Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
