I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've blown a few things in my day
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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