STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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