Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize