Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
