I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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