I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
