My Higher Power is John Stamos
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
