I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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