do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
