No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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