I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
