i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
