No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
