Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
