my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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