did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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