hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
