I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
