Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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