Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
