i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
