im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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