i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
