I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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