OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
