he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
