how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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