Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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