It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
