Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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