dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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