I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
