ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
