Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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