Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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