remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh god it's open bar.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize