I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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