And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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