my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
