sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
