The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
