There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize