I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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