bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize