He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
