upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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