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I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
