We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
