the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
