i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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