forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
