East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
