do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
