she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
