Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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