yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
