awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
