I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
