my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They took my balls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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