when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
