operation harelip BJ is a go
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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