I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
