um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
