I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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