Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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