Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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