I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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