I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
