so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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