It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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