had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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