Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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