Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
