fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize